When I was 6 or 7 my eating voices started, I would crave cereal like crazy so at 3am I would get a huge bowl of it and sit down and watch Thunderbirds. Just like my brother when he visited! HINT HINT anyone need a Gold KEY for that one! He was 9 yrs older then me and did not live with us.

When I got home from school at 3:20pm the first thing I did was run to that captain and The Monkees (1972-1973). at school all I could think about was getting home and eating. I walked to school and walked home a little over a mile I was a "Latch KEY KID". So Fear had a lot of play in my eating habits, Always being alone in the house for long periods of times. Having to be responsible for all my own meals (breakfast cereal, Lunch PBJ apple, After school Cereal, and dinner O's spaghetti O's. Both parents worked.

When I started smoking at 14, that is when I started to hear the voices. that would call to me, even tell me what to do, it was quite scarry, "Go ahead no one is home". "They will never know" "Go take one its like like they count them". "hurry they are coming" "get out of that room".
could it be my "SELF CONSCIENTIOUS?" perhaps but what ever it was it lasted 22yrs scared to get caught, or someone finding out. I finally quit in 1998 the best thing I ever did! Equate Cough Drops Saved me, I put then in every room, in the car, on every table and 20yrs later I still use cough drops every day, But I really never get sick Yes I went from one to another but It is better for me in the long run. a cough drop is Vit C.

Drinking was the same way The voices would call out to me it was not as bad as smoking but at times it had no limits, "its ok have another one". Barf In 1996 I quit for good, again I use Equate Cough Drops!

With eating, I am a emotional eater, when someone fights or argues with me it triggers this "Run to the frig". and eat what you want! The Voices gives me permission to make things that make no since at all do I live on another planet is that even human food, dose that even go together, "just eat it will make you feel better". "They had no right to treat you like that!" "Lets show them who is the boss in this house". "I will eat their ????" "For treating me that way?"

After the Hysterectomy it seemed to solve a lot of these problems! I went from Sugar Cravings to Salt Cravings. I find as long as I do not get myself "MYSELF" taking responsibility for my own actions of letting myself get made just because someone takes out their day on me. I also use the Equate cough drops, I keep them in my pockets and by my bed, I keep them 5 bags a week to make sure I don't run out. They are a life saver to my own existence you can say. They helped me stop smoking, drinking and over eating: Yes its a trade off but the trade off is cheep $1.89 per bag and it does "NOT" cause "VOICES IN MY HEAD."

I eat out of boredom, and sometimes as a way to avoid things. If I can keep myself busy, I am fine, if I am being lazy...it can be a problem. lol

I learned at a very early age to over stuff! When my grandmother came to visit she would make "Swedish Pancakes", I would eat 7 to 23 of them!~ Then go to school I would be filled with pure sugar. I would be bouncing off the walls.

As for eating out of boredom, I do that, I will visit the kitchen more then 50times a day just looking for something, I will uncontrollably go through cabinets and the frig. But I have gotten this down to the point I only go in the kitchen for WATER, then I leave, or if it is time to eat, I have a ALARM on my cellphone that tells me What time to EAT! It has really helped me control my compulsive behaviors.

NOW I LOOK!
BUT DON"T TOUCH!
Its been a LONG 53yrs since my first realizations at 3 yrs old what food can do to make a person feel happy.

I just send my other voices out to get back at them.

"Why should I pay money for this?"
"That doesn't taste good enough for the carbs."
"Meat has less carbs. When's the next cheeseburger?"
"What marinade can I try next?"
"Every vegetable tastes like spinach. What dressing can I try next?"
"Good Earth Tea has no sugar."

Today I am crazy! the thoughts in my head are over powering my actions! But I am fighting not to EAT bad food so I keep grabbing Fruit. I would rather over eat on fruit then on any thing else. 2 oranges and I have 3 grapefruit just in case my crazyness kicks in again. I am tired of feeling unloved and lonely to the point I just want to run away and my head keeps say "RUN".. I am trying to fight it and stay out of the kitchen and that is the hardest of them all right now. Because If I allow myself to start getting MAD at them! I will start to eat, as long as I feel empathy I will not eat. I'm having a really bad day!

The Rifleman: I wished I would have been his wife! So I had to think of something that I would enjoy watching at least to help me through all this crazyness! I watched first Dr. Seuss, but it was over in a few they are not long. So then since Voyage to the bottom of the sea ended last night, Off to the next great old classic. I love Netflix it's what gets me through all these lonely days and nights.

The Rifleman: The Sister, How he describes a women is just a dream for some! its so sweet. She has to clean and scrub the floors and be a good cook, and she has to put a flower in her hair and then be like a man and saddle up a horse and ride. That is a Women! Well! I never learned how to ride a horse so I guess he would not have married me!

Like 10min ago in my brain it said, why not find a dating site that has truckers and go on the road with them, I 'm sure a lot of them get lonely, my sister and brother in law who I never met both did this for over 12yrs. So I looked up the laws and Yes! If your Married to the Person.

Your lonely and you really have not been any were in life, But once again it's just the things that a Mind Thinks of! out of loneliness! So far so Good I have stopped myself 3 times from the kitchen, derailed you can say. I seem to pee a lot today! its a save place. Go look in the mirror. Then I convince myself out of everything.

I hope this ends soon! its making me crazy! I even took a 3hr nap hopping it would be over-with but it has not gone away. Maybe Tomorrow~

Hopefully tomorrow will be better for you.

thank you, sorry about this it just happens! The hotline, was not help for me I'm sad to say, they can't do anything at all. so I just went to sleep instead crying.

Thanks for helping me through this. I will search for some more on line help groups. I asked my daughter a year ago to find me a Alzheimer group but she never did. I even asked her since my grandchild had to do some volunteer work, to please go volunteer at the Alzheimer center. But she said no, she wants nothing to do with learning about it. Like I said I am already dead to her!

So not I just have to find a place for me to get help! Unless you have money? their is no place for a poor women who has no skills, and not at S.S. for another 12 or so years. So I did this too myself, I'm to blame, I left myself with nothing in the future. All I thought about was my kids future, I never thought about mine. I never thought I would have ever been divorced not at 21yrs old. Now that the kids are grown their is no place in their life for me. My job is done and over-with!

Good night!